We received a letter from our homeowners association, a " Friendly Reminder". They just don't like our front entrance.

We've received HOA letters before; we call them "nasty-grams". They've told us we need to trim the palm trees, nip some weeds, fix a board on the gate, and even hit the place with a fresh coat of paint. Each time, we've sheepishly complied. After all, we're supposed to keep up with this stuff. It's just our Strategic Doctrine of "Inside Out", that sometimes gets us in trouble.

The letter we received this week was a mule kick to the head. Uh ohhhhh...

"We noted the overhang on the entrance way to your house was not submitted for ABM approval and is in disrepair. Please remove the overhang in a workmanlike manner. 

ABM will perform a follow-up inspection of the property...   ..in compliance by 06/22/2013 "

A few notes my dear reader:

• This "overhang" is a beast, a huge, crap-tastic beast of drunken, weekend-warrior awfulness. We want it to go, eventually, but it's not foremost on the schedule, neither time wise or financially.

Notice anything stoooooooopid?

• "State of disrepair"???!!! Nope. It's in a state of jackleg construction. The dang thing was built to look like someone pounded dog excrement with a sledge hammer.

• I didn't know it was not submitted for approval, because, I didn't build it. We've been here 7 years. I think this "overhang" has been here for 15-20.

 
• A goal of 06/22/2013 is pretty much a do-it-now situation. June is not the time to be dilly-dallying around, working on a major, outdoor construction project around here. Why? Because of this:

It's only April 27 and we're going to hit the century mark. June will be worse.

We live in one of the oldest, largest homeowners associations the country. We are in Phoenix, but our area is an urban village, almost completely cut off from the rest of the city. This village, Ahwatukee, is covered by a colossal HOA. Honestly, they do a pretty good job of keeping the place up, but I think this particular requirement is ridiculous.

A quick web search will reveal absolute horror stories from HOA's nationwide and their abuse of power, crushing individual families over unpaid fees, misplaced garbage cans, or an unapproved shed that was 2.75" too tall.

I'm not messing around. It's time to let these two, savage dogs-of-war out of their cage.

Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises!

- King Théoden