Actually reading instructions and other nonsense.

February 16, 2014 John

Men. We don't ask for directions and we don't read instructions. It's testosterone-fueled knowledge, ladies, we're born with it.

Although I leap unhesitatingly into all things DIY, and am generally fearless to tear stuff apart and (try to) fix it, I've never claimed to be an auto mechanic. It's just not my expertise. I think it comes from growing up in Michigan where everyone else's dad but mine worked in some way for the auto companies. I had so many car-handy friends that they'd just help me with it, no problem. I never really learned much about it.

However, I have changed headlamps before, and I am a handy guy. After all, I kicked butt fixing the auxiliary audio jack in my truck, didn't I? When I popped outside to fix Sweetie's car, I took a cursory glance at the owner's manual to see how to remove a plastic air duct that was in the way, without breaking the plastic clips, before swaggering to the front of the car to fix the hell out of it, 'cause I'm a handy, handy man.

Yep! Shorts in February!!!

It took an obvious, quick squeeze of wiring harness to slide it off the back of the lamp. The lamp took an easy twist to pull it out of the socket. Piece-o-cake! I removed both of the front lamps so the beams would match.

The 2007 Honda Accord Ladies and Gentlemen.

I grabbed a new bulb and,....uhmmmmm..... CRAP! It didn't fit. Tried it again,... Dang it! Just to be sure I wasn't just feebly struggling to get it in, I actually measured the base with a micro caliper. Yep. The new lamp base was too big. Those idiot, grease monkeys at the auto-parts store had sold me the wrong freaking part. I had even bought a two pack of them.

Precisely different sized lamp bases, exactly and positively wrong.

I slammed the hood, drug my tools back into the garage, and grunted to Sweetie I had to go back to the @#$%! store because that idiot had sold me the wrong part. I don't get mad often, but this guy was going to hear about this for sure. After all, it's his job to know this stuff. He's the "expert." I think he is even the manager, more like the head moron.

I took the car, so I could show that mental giant personally. I don't know why I glanced at the open owner's manual still laying in the passenger seat, as I backed furiously out of the driveway...

My eye caught the bold heading, " High Beams Headlight". Whaaaat?!!!. After looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching, I casually flipped the page to see the next bold heading, " Low Beam Headlight"

Oh.

There's two sets of lamps. Ohhhhhhh.... heh heh... silly me.

"I'm with stupid à"

I couldn't see them from the outside, but after actually reading the manual, I found the " Low Beam Headlight" was behind the fender liner, accessed by popping some plastic screw things out with a screwdriver. They were behind a reflective cover in the headlight area.

Of course my first attempt to snag it blind resulted in a turn signal. Nope, back in he went.

The second excursion resulted in success. The lamp was exactly the same as the ones I had purchased, including the yellow gasket ( = Exactly the same as the ones the friendly, very knowledgeable counter guy had recommended.) It was a quick and easy swap.

I opened the hood again and put the high beams back where I got them. At least they were a little easier to get to, and in a less filthy location than the brake-dust coated fender wells.

The wiring clipped back in place.

Since I was already filthy, I replaced the other lamp on the passenger side too.

All the little plastic clippy-things had shattered when I pulled the fender liners so I did actually have to go back to the auto parts store for new clippy-things. I couldn't look the guy in the eye. I felt horrible for doubting him. He even gave me advice on choosing the right clips. Thank goodness I looked at those instructions before truly making an absolute ass of myself at the parts counter. Like I always say, those guys at O' Riley Auto Parts are just awesome (Non-sponsored, just an apology for those awful words I was thinking in my driveway).

I got back home and got to play with my sweet new DeWalt Right Angle Adapter Attachment to drive the new fasteners in. I'd been waiting to play with this beauty since I won it in DeWalt's Fan of the Week Photo Contest.

No, I didn't read the instructions.