If you follow this site, you may recall the launch of the project where I tore down the overhang / front porch last year. It was the result of a friendly letter from out home owners association. To our absolute delight, we recently received another. This one wasn't really a surprise.

I like to call this a "nasty-gram" from the HOA.

"We noted a dead tree(s) on your property. Please remove the dead tree(s) in the rear yard.

ABM will perform a follow up inspection of the property and contact the complainant to verify the violation has been corrected and the property is in compliance by 05/12/2014."

The Problem: 

One tree was admittedly stone-cold dead, more of a pole than a tree really. I'd already stripped all the branches off with an electric pole saw. The other, larger tree was not dead, but dying. In fact, I thought it was dead last year, so I had hacked the manageable sized branches off. The darn thing sprouted again. These mesquite trees are like giant weeds. Still, it's an ugly, twisted mess that keeps rubbing on the roof, so we need to clear it out anyway.

Freshly sprouted for some rooftop pruning

The Plan: 

I figured I'd pick up an inexpensive, Harbor Freight electric chainsaw and take these two trees down. I'm not sure about the quality of a $59 saw, but two small-ish trees? Surely I could drop two trees and slice them into logs before wearing the saw out. Plus, if it broke, I could return it, right? It was a fine plan.

Snip from: http://www.harborfreight.com/14-inch-electric-chain-saw-67255.html

The Delay: 

I went out to look at the tree to come up with a plan of attack, before heading out to the store to pick up the saw. It was a mess. I'd need to set up some ropes and enlist some teen-aged help to pull part of it away from the house and the fence as I cut it. Off to the store!

Uh oh.... wait.

See the problem?

See it yet?

How about if I ease in a little closer?

Hey Mamma Bird,... I'm not going to saw your house down.

I'm a softie I guess. There's no way I could spill a bird's nest, possibly full of eggs or little chicks all over the side yard and still look my 6 year old animal-adoring girl in the face.

Ok, Mamma Bird, we have a few weeks in the schedule. Get those chicks hatched and launched quick. Yeah, a I'm a softie.

Fast Forward: 

After only a couple weeks, the nest was empty. There are young mourning doves in the skies. I had to get back into this project, before they cooked up another brood.

The Reality ("Realities"):

I'd used a rental chainsaw to cut down a semi-fallen tree, when we lived in Texas. I'm sure I was up for this small task. Confident. Then it happened. Sweetie watched an episode of Renovation Realities  on the DIY network. The young, inexperienced chap nearly cut into his jugular when a small chainsaw kicked back at him. It only tore into his shoulder a bit, but he's lucky to be alive. Sweetie, however, was absolutely certain I'd cut my head off. Both of us agree, my head is just fine where it is. Needless to say, the whole AZ DIY Guy chainsaw adventure was kibosh-ed,... for now.

The Dude: 

Speaking of chainsaws, we heard one ripping and roaring in the neighborhood the next day. Two doors down, there was a guy climbing a large palm tree, with a chainsaw,  slicing it up. He dropped two of them and lopped them into nice manageable logs. Sweetie suggested I hire the guy; if he could cut them down for a couple hundred bucks, it would be worth it. She'd really feel better if I didn't mess with it myself. My dreams of macho chainsaw-ery were fading. Still, I know I could DIY it, for much less than $200. I'd certainly reassure her and talk her into my doing it in the end.

Although,...

I must admit,  I am a little partial to keeping myself free of horrendous chain-saw injuries. I walked down the street to talk to the tree trimmer.

The Solution?:

After introducing myself, I brought the chainsaw-dude, Rich, over to the house. I asked him what he'd charge to cut the two tree's down and into logs. I told him he could just let the logs lay wherever they land; I'd clean it all up myself. 

Rich looked it up and down, thought briefly, 

"Fifty bucks. I can do it until the weekend after next. Next weekend is Easter."

Holy crap! 

I can't even buy the saw for $50!

Still, I managed keep my composure enough to pull off the good ol' chin stubble scratch move and wrinkle my brow in serious contemplation. "Fifty, eh?..." I hesitated for a moment, so Rich could enjoy my performance, considering his pricey offer, "...I think I can handle that. I'd appreciate it."  He grinned and stuck out his hand for a strong handshake. His calloused hand left a faint trace of sawdust and bar oil on mine. 

Sweet! We'd have one weekend to spare. One weekend, before the HOA Gestapo showed up with their checklist to render judgement.

Saturday, we had to leave the house for errands and he hadn't shown up. So I took a chance, and note with three Andrew Jackson's on the back patio table in case he showed up, thinking, "Please don't let some wild creature eat that money". 

I was a little nervous leaving the cash. I didn't know the guy. I didn't even have his last name, or his cell number. 

Shhhhhhh.... don't tell anyone.

He didn't show up. Dang. I knew it was too good to be true. I was sure I'd be making a Harbor Freight run (or calling a landscaper?)

The Solution!: 

Sunday. We went grocery shopping early. When we got back...

Heap o' mesquite.

A nice, neat log pile and a nice, neat branch pile. I couldn't even find the bigger stump. The other one, close to the shed, was cut flush with the ground. I didn't expect any of that. Maybe it was the extra $10 or maybe it was the smiley face note. I'll never know; there was no sign of Rich, other than his boot print in the sawdust.

For once, I'm really pleased to have shifted from DIY (Do it Yourself) to PFIY (Pay for it Yourself).  Sure I took a risk, hiring some random dude with a battered old Chevy pickup, inviting him into my yard when I'm not home, and leaving a trio of twenties on the back porch. It worked out well this time. It saved my whole weekend. No shame in that.

Now spending hundreds of dollars to hire a pro to replace my windshield, which leaked ,on the other hand...

Yep, that's on the inside.